omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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