Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
