He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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