If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
