Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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