he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize