We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
