Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
