Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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