That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
