if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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