I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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