I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
