I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
