i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He kissed a someone with a penis
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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