I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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