At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
