Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
