Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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