everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
