In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
