Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
