I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
