Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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