i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
