Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
