You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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