I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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