hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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