I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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