i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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