What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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