Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
