Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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