It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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