not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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