Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
