At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize