Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
