I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
