i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
