I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You were trust falling into bushes
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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