i'm signing you up for texting rehab
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
