i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
