somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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