How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
