The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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