I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
