What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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