I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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