Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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