my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
