You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
