A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
