there's paper in my vomit.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
