So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize