you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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