Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
