how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize