barbara walters just said penis...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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