Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
