thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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