He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize