I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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